ENTRIES / Paul Cooney
December 29, 2010
Flashing across this dark world like a bolt of lemonade lightning, I plan on enriching the lives of each and every person I encounter, or at the very least amassing a rather large collection of awesome hats.
My blogs will read like dispatches from the front lines of war zones, aside from the danger aspect and the general hullabaloo of gunfire and strife. They will be rife with exclamation points however, and that will sound very exciting no doubt. Like right now!!!
Wherever my travels take me, whether I'm gazing in wonder at the Pyramids or awestruck by the Great Wall, I vow to leave each and every landmark I see just as I found it, with no unsightly graffiti. Of course a little sprucing up here and there won't hurt. In fact I bet these far off exotic locales will be amazed at what a little paint can do! Will the world at large appreciate my tourism enhancing tidbits? You'll have to tune in to find out!
What about food you ask? Well someone once told me, or I read it on a bathroom wall someplace, that the way to a country's heart is through its guts, and so I'm sure readers will delight in my global gastronomical adventures. As I love trying new things, I will be eager to sample local cuisine, and no matter what odd or disgusting morsel I'm fed in a foreign locale I promise to feign enjoyment and spit it out very discreetly so as to not offend my host. I am a class act after all!
Readers will swell with pride reading my entries because they will see that I am a wonderful ambassador for the United States of America. I will be sure to impress young and old across the globe with my astounding arrogance and generally obnoxious behavior, which is what the world has come to love most about Americans. Respectful? Not on my travels! If curious internationals want to meet the brash and egotistical Yankee they have seen on movies and TV up close and personal...well I will do my part to make their dreams come true!
Is there a better way to achieve the impossible, that fantastic dream of world harmony, than by flinging me into far flung lands and letting everyone know just how stupid we all are? No!
